Thursday, July 07, 2005

Stress Outlet

Thanks to flatman I felt compelled to spin off of his entry this afternoon.

Unwind, destress, relax. That is most of what I tell myself before I start a run, swim or bike. Forget everything that is going on, all the problems, all the frusteration, forget it all! The thump, thump, thump of my feet on the pavement and the thudding of my music tapping in my hears giving me a great beat to keep cadence to is all I concentrate on. With the wind on my face and in my hair, I feel this overwelming freeness around me. Concentrating on the task at hand, which is to relax and run. Now the normal person would not think that those two things come hand in hand, but without one I cant complete the other. So after the run I'm all refreshed and ready to face the things that I forgot about while running. Now if only I could figure out a way to keep them off of my mind and stay relaxed after I'm done, then I think life would be a little more simple.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Just Now Catching Up

I have fallen behind in my blogging (not that many people read it, but its mostly for me to sort things out in my head). We had a very busy weekend running back and forth from the lake to Grandma's with the girls, but I managed to get 2 great swims in this weekend while we were out at the lake so I am satisfied. W had to work at a BBQ in the park, so I spent the day shuffling the girls around to the park. Which was fun but exhausting at the same time. We went for 2 horse and carriage rides to which the girls sat up front with the driver and sang songs the whole way and entertained the group in the carriage. I laughed so hard i cried it was so cute! Then we finally met up with W and spent a little time at the park before heading home to pack the girls up for a sleep over at Grandma's. Then W and I spent Saturday night out at the lake. I nearly forgot how much I loved camping out, although we didnt sleep in a tent. We folded the back seats in the car down (2005 grand prix) made a bed and slept with our feet in the trunk. Surprisingly it was for the most part very comfortable except for getting stuffy inside the car because we couldnt open the windows, for fear of being eaten to death by bugs. The next day was spent back out at the lake, after going home for a quick shower and repacking the car with all the necissities needed for the girls. The girls were none too happy about not being able to swim in the lake though. Even though we had spent the majority of the drive out there explaining that "this is not the lake that we swim in, it is only for big kids" The first thing the wanted was to go down to the water, so we bribed them with several rides on our 4-wheelers, better known as "The Greenbean" - W's & "The Bumble Bee" - Mine. Which that worked so we spent the day shuttling the girls around the property on the 4-wheelers. Over all the weekend was pretty good, the fireworks display was on Sunday night instead of Monday which was fine with me, because we had promised the girls that if they were good, we would take them to the lake the could swim in. But as the Angles were smiling down on W and I, we welcomed day filled with rain. So Monday was spent cleaning house from the weekend of throwing things on the floor, catching up on laundry and watching movies!

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Fear Free Falling

I have been a little lazy the past few days with my blogging due to horrible moods brought on by who knows what? I only wish I could figure out what has kept me down in the dumps for 3 days now so I can correct the problem and get on with my usually bubbly self. After thinking long and hard all day yesterday, I could only come up with one thing that was bringing me down so badly. It is the fear of the bottom falling out from underneith me and losing everything that makes me happy.

I keep my mind going 90 mph trying to come up with a solution to get me over this fear and thus far have come up with the big g00se egg. I only wish I could keep my body going 90 mph so I dont get behind in my training while I'm in the dumps. But I can only muster enough energy to make it through the work day and not much else. So what do I do and how do I get over my selfdoubt and this reality check fear? Is there a rainbow in my midst??

Wednesday, June 29, 2005


Ok I finally got my pic posted to my blog!!! Took me forever but I managed!

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

What is a Pool?

I have been a little lost in my own world the past few days and have not been able to put together a complete sentence to post an entry. But I figured I would try today to post something worth while to read.

It was finally confirmed yesterday that all of my swim training will have to be done in the surrounding lakes. I called up to the local high school which has the only known pool (besides the 2 hotels which are off limits) in town to swim in and they told me that the pool opens up next week....for swim lessons ONLY!! Well since I don't need to learn to swim with all the little pool pottiers that makes the pool off limits as well. It does open up though once the school year begins for lap swimming, but that isn't until the end of August. Which would only give me 2 weeks to train before my sprint and that is totally unexceptable! So I will continue to do all of my swims in the freaky bottomless lake, in hopes that I will eventually over come the fear of some lake creature grabbing and pulling me down to the bottom of the lake. At least the GPS to take out with me so I can at least measure the distance that I am swimming so that is one plus.

Today I am hoping to get in a short run, but I am not sure depending on what time my other half gets done playing Army Recruiter and comes home to take over with the girls. I am starting to get the feeling that I will have to get over my morning phopia and so I make sure to get my workouts in. I hate MORNINGS!!!!

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Open Waters

Ok, today was not a total waste. We took a little trip with the girls out to the lake as planned and while Daddy played with the girls, I got my swim in. Its always a little freaky swiming in open water with no one around and a bottomless pit of water below me and open space in front of me So instead of concentrating on looking down which really got me freaked, I looked ahead of me and worked on my strokes and rythem. Since I am still pretty much out of shape in the swim, I ended up losing the rythem and just working on my form. So over all, I had a pretty good swim today(600 yards). After about 3 hours of playing in the lake, it was time to go. Well thats what Dad and I thought, but for the girls well...they didnt quite agree so we ended up carring them kicking and screaming from the lake with a promise to go back in a few days (of course its mainly for me to get my swim in, but a bonus for them) tomorrow is a short run and bike, order not yet decided.

Friday, June 24, 2005


OMG!! I have never been so glad to see Friday come after a long long long...i mean long boring week! I'm mean Toilet Bugs and Spiders boring! But moving away from the bugs, its Friday Friday Friday!! That means I hit the lake this weekend a couple of times for my swims. Right now it is hard for me to get to the lake during the week with the girls being here, so on the weekends we make a trip to the lake for them to play in the water with Dad, while I swim. Now instead of mindlessly swimming along the the waters edge and not knowing how far I'm going. Its time to break out the GPS!! So we can measure a distance for me, so I feel that I am making some kind of progress. As for my other workouts, well since I am by far not a morning person and still adjusting to having 2 extra little people in the house with us I have been going for the afternoon/evening workouts. Mind would rather go in the mornings, but Body never agrees when the alarm clock goes off at 5:45 am. So we hit snooze and sleep till I have just enough time to get myself ready for work and head out the door. Most of the time I only need about 15 mins to get the hair and makeup done. Its finding the cloths that takes up most of the short time I give myself. But oh well, I havn't been late so far and until then things will remain as the are. Unless one morning the alarm goes off at 5:45 and I am feeling a froggy and decide to get up and hit the gym or pavement.

Well bring on the much needed weekend!! Good luck to all of you racing this weekend!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Toilet Bugs

Why do men have to spend so much time in the bathroom, can't they just go in do their business and get out?? This is something that boggles my mind everytime a man goes into the bathroom and doesnt come out for at least 20 to 30 minutes. I work with only 4 men so I think about this quite alot since they tend to spend lots of time in the bathroom. Well needless to say, the testosterone level in my office is very high, making it hard for me to blend in. And I definitely am not going to try and blend in with their bathroom trend. I think they have this conspiricy against me, knowing that I drink alot of water during the work day. I think they can since when I have to go pee (of course they can...they're men!), so they deliberatly go in and stink up the bathroom just so I either have to hold my breath while peeing or hold it until the smell is gone and sometimes that can be nearly an hour before it dies down enough for me to be able to stand it long enough to pee and get off the pot!

Working with only men also make the germ factor elevate, expecially in the bathroom. Toilet Bugs!! They do exist! I just had to clean them up...aaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggg!!!! Being bored and in a small office makes you do crazy things. Like cleaning the toilet after 4 men! Talk about germ infested and discusting! I would avoid cleaning it if I never had to go to the bathroom through out the day. And going home is out of the question, because they are often in and out of the office all day, so I unfortunately cannot leave. That leaves me with one of two choices...either clean the bathroom so I can comfortable pee and not feel like something is going to jume out of the toilet and get me, or hold it until I get off and can go home. Well holding it is out of the question, because that would mean that I can't consume the amount of water that I need throughout the day. So I was left with cleaning their toilet bugs, because I could hold it no longer! Next cleaning task...The Break Room!

Spider on the Wall

I have this little spider friend that loves the big window that is in front of my desk. I see him ever few days or so when I am staring out the window watching all the cars go by down the business loop, the man mowing the grass across the street and the people going next door to play miniture golf. Now normally I would never call a spider a friend since I am wildly afraid of them, but this particular little spider and I have this agreement. He stays on the window and wall that is not attached to anything that I come in contact with, and I let him live and roam freely. He knows this because I have threatened him with his life if he leaves that wall. So he stays hidden for the most part until he needs a little sun, then he pops his head out and climbs around the window until it heats up too much and burnes his legs then he disappears again (probably sneakly climbing over to my desk to silently torment me without my knowing). As long as i dont see him or feel him climbing on my feet its all good.

As I sit here and watch him roam the window today, I wonder how carefree the life of a spider is, all they have to do is spin a nest and catch food to eat. How hard could that be? Pondering this question, they might think the same thing about humans. We have it easy, not having to physically catch our own food or build our own homes how hard could that be on humans? I guess there is a balance, spiders have their own problems and issues in life as do we. We go through life thinking that we lead such hard rough lifestyles, I know that I do. I feel sometimes that things get so hard on me I want to give up instead of going on and working through the day to day issues life throws at us.

Finding an outlet to advert all the anger and emotions that each day brings with it, is what I have found that will get me calmed down and get me through the emotions. Right now my outlet is workouts, as they have been in the past. For a while I couldnt remember what that outlet was for me, until I signed up for the triathlon then the light came on. Not only am I forced to workout and build my strength and endurance, but it forces me to let go of every emotion that I have bottled up during the day to keep from having a major melt down. It is almost mind relaxing for me, getting on the bike at the gym and running the built up frusterations out. Now if you ask my legs how relaxing that is i'm sure they wouldnt agree any way shape or form. But it is what they need, so on goes the workouts and in comes the mind relaxation.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Its Official

Finally a commitment has been made! I am officially signed up for my first sprint triathlon!!
MIDWEST Stony Creek Triathlon, September 11, 2005 9am.

I was a little behind my goal of registering Monday due to a little confusion with my account, but first thing this morning I was registered! I am so excited and a little nervous too. I know that it is still a ways in the future, but being that I have never done a triathlon, the jitters are there! So the training starts full on, along with juggling the two beautiful little girls we picked up this weekend (4 & 6). Our long trip down to Kansas City and back (25 hours) was pretty exhausting. We got back late Saturday night after stopping nearly every 3 hours for a potty and snack break, put the girls to bed then got some sleep ourselves. They were up bright and early the next day itching to get on the go. Both are adorable and quite adament about running both of us ragged going 90 miles an hour from sun up til bed time.

My head is a little frazzled so my writing is suffering today so please forgive me for the lack of intrest. I will get back in the writing groove once my head adjusts to the many changes going on right now.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Ready for Battle

Ok I have finally gotten my Mind talked into signing up for a triathlon on Monday. Still havnt decided which one I will choose, but that decision will be made soon since Monday is only 3 days away. I am still very much training challenged since there is so much going on in my personal life that keeps me occupied and stressed out on a daily basis. The stress i am afraid will only get worse in the days to come as we leave today to head for Kansas City (12 hour drive) to pick up 2 rugrats for 6 weeks, only to turn around tomorrow to drive 12 hours back. So Long 2 days ahead of me, well actually a long 6 weeks because we both work full time so juggling the job, the 2 girls and training will be pretty challenging. But hey, that only makes the reward of completing the end goal that much of a sweeter defeat!! So bring on the Challenge I am ready for whatever you can throw at me! Until decision making day i'm out, have a great weekend!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Battle Zone

Day 3

Ok I am in day 3 and the battle seems to be dying down just a little, because I have made my decision to commit!! WOOHOO!! Except in my earlier entry I had said I was going to commit to a marathon where as now I have changed directions. I am signing up on Monday (most likely Tuesday) for a triathlon. I know I said that the training resources are minimal in my area, but I will make do with what i can come up with. Instead of swimming in a pool, it will be a lake and the small gym will have to do or i can just truck it outside on the roads for the runs. I am happy with my decision to commit finally, along with feelings of excitment and complete horror of what I am getting myself into.

The training may be a little difficult to schedule with the arrival of the girls, but we will work around it and I will make sure it happens, although I am still a little lost as to what all I need to do for the training, but that will come. So no more excuses I am Jumping!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Commitment Battle

Day 2

Ok well day two of battle and still no hardcore commitment! Oh I had every intention of getting my rear in gear yesterday. But of course at the end of the workday, arrands just piled on and the hill grew til it was nearly 9:30 when I finally stopped and remembered I had one other thing that I wanted to get done today...RUN!!!!

The battle will only get harder in the days to come as we (boyfriend & I) are getting our house ready for the arrivel of his daughters this weekend. So I have been in full spoil mode the past few days getting their room ready and decorated and full of toys, to make their transition easier on them. So we will see what the next 6 weeks hold out for me and my training challenged self. Encouragement always welcome in my direction!

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

The Beginning

The Beginning of the Edge!!

My Mind is fighting with my WillPower on a daily basis to get out and continue to stay in shape. Most of the time my mind wins and I end up just staying at home and working around the house instead of heading to the gym for much needed excersize. I know that I am not alone in this daily fight, but I am adding another battle for my WillPower! The commitment to my daily excersize along with training for a marathon. I would really love training for a triathlon, but in the area I live, the training resourses are very limited to a small gym and no public pools. So for now I will stick to marathon training. Wish me Luck!!